Imitation of Life

emptyroomThe room is silent
Packaged with tinfoil
Tight like sardines
As constant as rain
Thrumming on this roof
A shaking in my bones
Driving me to distraction
Yet taciturn at best
This hesitant dismay
Holding its breath
Waiting to pass out
Because it hurts less
Not to feel a thing
Lost in this muted sound
This imitation of life
That is way too familiar
Way too comfortable
Like easing into a bath
That scalds as it purifies
Leaving fresh pink skin
But absolutely no regrets
Steam rises from below
The only sound a hissing
Slight and hazy
Fractionally alive
Like this latent echo
Bouncing off walls
Long after we’re gone.


I look back at her
But she turns away
To face the shadows
This tension stretched
Taut like barbed wire
Between the two extremes
Of this fabricated love
And an encroaching apathy
That lives in shadow
Eschewing the light
For contrivance
And I know she’s not coming
Because of this fear
Because it’s complicated
Like an hour before dawn
When nothing is certain
It’s in the tilt of her head
In the rise of her chest
In the beating of her heart
Pounding in time with mine
But something is broken
Shaken and cracked inside her
Just as it is in me
So I understand the sigh
The turn and the sigh
That says give it time
It will all come around
And if it doesn’t
Then we’ll always have this tension
This moment before we touch
Even if we never do.


o-SAD-LOOKING-WOMAN-facebookThis is not a test
Not a floundering idea
But the real thing
A chance to be honest
To make up for lost time
And this aching need
To give you comfort
When you need my silence
More than air to breathe
So I sit here on Tuesday
Trying to figure you out
Without being fake
Without giving the pat reply
Even though I want to
Because I love your smile
But it comes at an expense
A pressing down
A smoothing out
When you need to explode
Not to sit in a corner
And look the preferential part
Or to look pretty on my arm
The fire twinkles in your eyes
But it’s far from happy
It is barely contained anger
And I want you to know
You can scream in my direction
You can unleash your soul
Because I can absorb it all
With a calculated silence
And a nodding of my head
Content to be your board
On which you can sound off
Like you never have before
And somehow find solace
In the sounding.


lost_love_in_the_dark_by_er111a-d3g1781Those words I never said
Like circling vultures
In carrion waves of grain
Blackened by decay
Clouding my addled mind
With so many regrets
Pregnant pauses heavy
These unspoken sighs
Wasted in daylight
In twisted shadows
That obscure the truth
It shrivels in my soul
Gasping for satisfaction
Finding silence instead
Where words used to be
And only outlines remain
Fading in the setting sun
Of a hundred winters
This pressing utter cold
That once was desire.

Bleeding Into Friday

Painful_Love_Suite_II_by_AnkyShpankyI found an excuse
To embrace this agony
Lithe and vigorous
Holding me closely
Like my own twin
This mirror image
Blending into one
Marked by thin lines
Spiderwebbing out
This cold friction
Stronger than us
This blossoming fire
Consuming our sin
And I hide my face
As you hide your scars
Counting our breaths
Ragged and abused
Like a Thursday night
Bleeding into Friday
And these excuses
Floating on the waves
This churning foam
Fighting back the night
The spiteful words
When we said a goodbye
We thought would never come
Left holding a pain
That throbs like love
In my broken heart.


heavy-rain-raindrops-wallpaper-concept-artThe end came quickly
A case of amnesia
Swift like disease
But more ominous
Straight to voicemail
Message after message
Avoidance evident
What we had broken
Like shards of glass
Littering the beach
Winds of change blow
Casting us down
Spitting us out
But really just me
And my idea of us
Crafted to appeal
Yet never built to last
Her exit strategy evident
Like a message never sent
But left in the queue
One I found later
When she was just a memory
And I was her regret.