Happy Now

see-this-smile-yeah-its-all-fake

Are you happy now
In your cellophane world
In your aluminum cage
That fences in
As much as it keeps out?
Is your conscience eased
By this full stop love
Painful in its urgency
Finally left for dead?
Can you contemplate a future
Devoid of contradiction
Yet full of these silences
That cut like a switchblade?
Or is happiness just a construct
Designed to nullify rage
To belittle apathy
Like butterflies in flight?
Is this your perfection
Outlined in a mediocrity
So pure it stings to touch
Or just another chapter?
Is this another excuse
That drips of insincerity
Shackled to an impermanence
Wearing a frozen smile?
Are you happy now
In the middle of your change
After the death of love
That complicates
As much as it solves?
Will it ever be enough
To make you forget
Or have you already moved on
Without me?

To Know You

women-eyes-models-wearing-black-masquerade-mask-1280x800

I don’t know you

This inconvenient thought
Rattling around my brain
Driving me insane
Certifiable even
And you’ve been in my head
You’ve been in my bed
Twisting all my sheets
Into versions of me
That always decline to speak
The silence deafening
Like my conscience
Because I let you in
I trusted you with me
A soul divided
When you split us in two
With your ideas of you

But I don’t know you
Now I never think I did
Simple delusions of the mind
Like when doves cry
Yet shed no tears
As fluid as the dirt
Before a thunderstorm
Constricted like my throat
Before a confrontation
Like the one on Tuesday
When I showed my hand
But like an hourglass with sand
This thing cannot last
Because you’re not the you
I always thought I knew
Not the one who matters
Because I’m nothing to you

And I don’t know you
I don’t trust the me I am
When I’m tangled up in you
Listening at your door
For sounds of life within
And it’s Wednesday
The silence sinking in
Like a nail in this chest
In death I would feel more blessed
Than living with this pain
Of giving you every ounce of me
This hoping for an eternity
With a semblance of you

Because I don’t know you
The you behind those eyes
That I’ll never see again
And I doubt you’ll even care.

Like Glass

fantasy wallpapersYou don’t know the me
That hides in shadow
Waiting to come alive
When dreams morph
Into nightmares
Solidly foreboding
Like crushing weight
Changing everything
While I sit here
Pretending life away
Saccharine smile
Put on for show
Convincing as sin
This tendency to please
Flipped inside out
This me you love
That doesn’t exist
Except in fantasy
Shared between us
Fragile like glass
Like these memories
In my periphery
These particles
That make us real
Even when we’re not.

Illusions

fake_love_will_disappear_by_athousanddreamsThe trick was in losing her
As complex as it seemed
Held together with glue
That melted in the heat
We split in the shadows
On the first day of May
Rain that falls like tears
Bursting at the seams
Of a sympathetic distaste
Clouded in neon gray
When she left me in pieces
Spread across the floor
And you smell like her
With your sweet disposition
Masquerading as love
But I’m much smarter now
Tired of being the weak link
In a chain of fools
So I’ll wait you out
Patience being a virtue
Hoping this time is different
That these tears will dry
Like so much dust in the wind
And illusions fade with time
Become chalk white, dead,
Shackled to expectation
Always found wanting
Like she left me
When nothing else mattered
And losing was a state of mind
As vital as breathing
When you’re underwater
But I’m coming up for air
And it feels good to breathe.