2 Sugars

I put in 2 sugars
Raw like these wounds
Finely crystallized
Skimming the surface
Dissolving like rain
In the rainy season

Steam rises in waves
Dissipating in the air
So warm and fragile
Held together for now
But waiting for release
Cooling finely inert

This cream, a milky white
Blending into mocha, smooth
As the surface of the sea
When it waits for a storm
A fractional ripple
Anticipating sweetness

Froth touching my lips
From an overwhelming foam
Kissing quick, then gone
A semiprecious exchange
That tastes like heaven
All clouds and radiance

I put in 2 sugars
Like I’ve always done before
A recalcitrant habit
And I’ll do my penance
In the cruel light of day
But for tonight I drink

And savor the sweetness.

What Lurks Beneath

Behind these chocolate eyes
There’s a tentative monster
Waiting to explode into life
To throw off this shell
And love without limits
But that’s not enough
That’s not the only way
To tell you how I feel
To give you fair warning
Before showing you the flip side
Of this dear reverent love
This apocalyptic salvo
Threatening like storm clouds
A sonic boom reverberating
Thickly through my skull
This waiting for a revelation
That may never be fully real
A realization of my limitations
These scars thick like ropes
Holding me captive in my own skin
And the love that I would know
Imprisoned in this empty husk
Because paused energy is stagnant
It drains before giving up the ghost
Before exhaling into this cold night
Visible for a second
Then fading like these emotions
Like this pervasive impotence
That led me straight into your arms
Where you made me wish for a death
That will probably never come.

Forgotten

alone-art-beautiful-black-and-white-calm-figure-favim-com-40265I’ve forgotten everything about you
The way you always tilt your head
When something makes you wonder
How you finger comb your hair
And it cascades around your face
The way your nose wrinkles
When I’ve confused you again
How you drive with your left hand
While your right taps on the dash
And I want to still it with a kiss

I’ve forgotten why we said goodbye
All the fragmentary arguments
The slammed doors in the hall
Silence that stretched into forever
And the dissonance that stung
Like pine needles in a strong wind
How I shut down instead of sharing
All this pain wrapped up inside of me
And you disappeared into the fog
Of life, and loss, and misunderstanding

I’ve forgotten the reasons to stay
Your silhouette in the pouring rain
The feeling of your hand in mine
Fingers linked together like our bodies
Under the covers in the dead of night
How we could converse about nothing
And everything at the very same time
This opalescent, divergent love
All-consuming in its consequential rage
That burns out, leaving only our ashes

I’ve forgotten everything about you
The complacent nature of your understanding
That we would always be good for each other
When we were toxic from the very beginning
Despite the moments of pure elation
I don’t remember feeling utterly worthless
Or shackled to the idea of who we should be
Instead of the reality of who we were not
And the devastation is more evident now
Because I’ve forgotten the memory of you

And I’m ready to move on.

in pieces

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My heart breaks in pieces
Asymmetrical like your love
Which never encapsulated me
So very incomplete
An inadequate coupling
Forced into static molds
Quite complex, fragmented
Like the state I’m in
Tears streaking the glass
As I watch you pull away
These heartstrings pulled taut
Straining to follow behind
Tethered to these fragments
Fraying at the seams
And I cannot make a sound
You’ve stolen all the words
Silence a consequence
Of giving you heart and soul
This love bleeding out
Staining the space between
Your leaving and my pain
These physical manifestations
Shattering my stupidity
And my reliance on your love
That proved to be artifice
These pieces swept up like dust
Into the vortex left behind
By the absence of you
As I sit here struggling
To be whole again.