Not a Home

This house is a shallow grave
Entombing as it provides
Practically complicated
Like I was before I moved in
Dragging my life around
In a giant suitcase
And I don’t know why I stay
When everyone else gets to leave
Gets to carry on their way
When the socks don’t match
In this lint free world
And I don’t trust myself
To breathe without choking
To live in these back rooms
Without giving up the ghost
Or acquiescing to your demands
This stillness rattles my bones
Cold and invading, it settles
Into my joints and marrow
And I’m too fragile to complain
But too afraid to walk away
Because I have no future
Without the thought of this house
Haunting me like spiderwebs
Stuck to the bottom of my shoes
I need it more than it needs me
I need it conditionally
And that’s what makes me dysfunctional
In a world where everyone is fine
Or at least pretends to be
Inside their own gingerbread houses
With the candy coated windows
And a gutter full of rain
But I’m still trying to swim.

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