Happy Now


Are you happy now
In your cellophane world
In your aluminum cage
That fences in
As much as it keeps out?
Is your conscience eased
By this full stop love
Painful in its urgency
Finally left for dead?
Can you contemplate a future
Devoid of contradiction
Yet full of these silences
That cut like a switchblade?
Or is happiness just a construct
Designed to nullify rage
To belittle apathy
Like butterflies in flight?
Is this your perfection
Outlined in a mediocrity
So pure it stings to touch
Or just another chapter?
Is this another excuse
That drips of insincerity
Shackled to an impermanence
Wearing a frozen smile?
Are you happy now
In the middle of your change
After the death of love
That complicates
As much as it solves?
Will it ever be enough
To make you forget
Or have you already moved on
Without me?


Death becomes me
Like a mask
On a shelf
In a store
The day before Halloween
And circling vultures
Eye my construction
The fading paint
Androgynous character
Frayed string
And trashed visage
These signs of weakness
Symbolize my demise
Nearly as much as the ones
Who wait for the end
Who pick at my limbs
Hoping that they fall off
Sniffing the air
For the scent of decay
That has become me
As I wait for you
While I hang on
Fingertip grip
Holding to a promise
That will never be fulfilled
Like a beautiful prism
Buried under shadow
Fighting for relevance
In a world full of scavengers
Hovering near
To pick apart the weak
These carrion beasts
Still waiting for me.

A Murder

There’s been a murder
Haunting my hallowed halls
Fading into the shadows
The scrabbling of feet
Clicking against tile
Sinking into wood
The unrepentantly angry
Gathered into droves
To purify this place
We sleep through it all
These creatures of the night
Silent nightmare made whole
Sugarplum stealing fairies
Their wings black as tar
Beaks sharpened for war
This vendetta so unnatural
It reeks of holy hell
And as daytime crawls
Across the expanse of night
Introducing themselves
Like strangers
They melt back into the walls
This consequential murder
Biding the daylight hours
When we come out to play
Oblivious to the near carnage
That can wait another night
Keen to see and be seen
Before darkness returns
And with it the black nature
Of cold predators
Lost inside our subconscious.

To Know You


I don’t know you

This inconvenient thought
Rattling around my brain
Driving me insane
Certifiable even
And you’ve been in my head
You’ve been in my bed
Twisting all my sheets
Into versions of me
That always decline to speak
The silence deafening
Like my conscience
Because I let you in
I trusted you with me
A soul divided
When you split us in two
With your ideas of you

But I don’t know you
Now I never think I did
Simple delusions of the mind
Like when doves cry
Yet shed no tears
As fluid as the dirt
Before a thunderstorm
Constricted like my throat
Before a confrontation
Like the one on Tuesday
When I showed my hand
But like an hourglass with sand
This thing cannot last
Because you’re not the you
I always thought I knew
Not the one who matters
Because I’m nothing to you

And I don’t know you
I don’t trust the me I am
When I’m tangled up in you
Listening at your door
For sounds of life within
And it’s Wednesday
The silence sinking in
Like a nail in this chest
In death I would feel more blessed
Than living with this pain
Of giving you every ounce of me
This hoping for an eternity
With a semblance of you

Because I don’t know you
The you behind those eyes
That I’ll never see again
And I doubt you’ll even care.


I never wanted accolades
The trappings of success
A place on the dais
With others of my kind
Not a ticker-tape parade
Or the notoriety of fame
Because those things fade
They slip into the ether
Of time and place gone by
They drift with the tide
In a wildly raging river
That carries them out to sea
They bring along expectations
Perceptions of who I am
And who I’m supposed to be
I just want to do my best
To be someone who strives
Who doesn’t settle for less
When faced with adversity
A conscientious human being
Who loves with his whole heart
Regardless of vulnerability
I want the satisfaction
In knowing I’m treasured
By people who matter to me
And that I treasure them in turn

I never wanted accolades
Because they go up in flame
I want an everlasting fire
That uses me for a while
And then goes on its way
To light another’s life.


I look back at her
But she turns away
To face the shadows
This tension stretched
Taut like barbed wire
Between the two extremes
Of this fabricated love
And an encroaching apathy
That lives in shadow
Eschewing the light
For contrivance
And I know she’s not coming
Because of this fear
Because it’s complicated
Like an hour before dawn
When nothing is certain
It’s in the tilt of her head
In the rise of her chest
In the beating of her heart
Pounding in time with mine
But something is broken
Shaken and cracked inside her
Just as it is in me
So I understand the sigh
The turn and the sigh
That says give it time
It will all come around
And if it doesn’t
Then we’ll always have this tension
This moment before we touch
Even if we never do.