Solace

o-SAD-LOOKING-WOMAN-facebookThis is not a test
Not a floundering idea
But the real thing
A chance to be honest
To make up for lost time
And this aching need
To give you comfort
When you need my silence
More than air to breathe
So I sit here on Tuesday
Trying to figure you out
Without being fake
Without giving the pat reply
Even though I want to
Because I love your smile
But it comes at an expense
A pressing down
A smoothing out
When you need to explode
Not to sit in a corner
And look the preferential part
Or to look pretty on my arm
The fire twinkles in your eyes
But it’s far from happy
It is barely contained anger
And I want you to know
You can scream in my direction
You can unleash your soul
Because I can absorb it all
With a calculated silence
And a nodding of my head
Content to be your board
On which you can sound off
Like you never have before
And somehow find solace
In the sounding.

Overture

78555427She calls out to the wind
A keening so peculiar
It raises a holy hell
Transforming the world
Into a gaping chasm
Wide enough to hold an echo
That never comes back down
A whistling in the fields
This driving rhythm
Forcing itself into a beat
A repetition that slides
Over and against itself
Like reptilian scales
Sparkling in the sunlight
And the wind calls back
A whispering of sorts
A shushing in the breeze
Mistaken for the coyotes
That answer in blood
A fitting reply indeed
To nature’s infatuation
With the daughters of man
This search for a silence
Fleeting in its cadence
Divine in its felicity
Stirring up the dust
And waiting for the rain.

Before Me

12733490_10208743698814964_5910592275348009796_nBefore I was a father
Before I was an author
Before I was a husband
Before I was a salesman
Before I was a reader
Before I was a friend
Before I was a son
Before I was a brother
Before I was jealous
Before I had pride
Before I was a man
Before I was an enigma
Before I had a name
Before I had human traits
Before I was a concept
Before I knew love
Before I felt hate
Before the dream was real
Before the great reveal
Before I could think
Before the dawn of me
There was a whole world
That didn’t know my name
Time didn’t miss a beat
Before me.

Impatient Love

thLove is not patient
At least not the kind I know
Which is as real as pain
And its many relatives
It’s a construct made to tease
To exact emotional vengeance
On those who accept it
Who use it as a crutch
Because love doesn’t care
It denies a certain artifice
That exists in everything else
A kind of creative relevance
Found in acceptance of life
And the harsh lessons it teaches
But love is demanding
It crushes hopes and dreams
Scattering them like confetti
And pretending it’s a party
Because love is a prison
We lock ourselves in tight
Hoping we never have to be free again
Doing what it takes to conform
To be who love wants us to be
Or we die trying
Death a respite from a loveless world
We wait for a sign
That’s never going to come
Because love is not patient
No matter how much we are.

Between Footsteps

Denzel-movieThe moving pictures still
Paused by an invisible hand
Frozen in space and time
Languishing like wine
The cellar cold as hell
Before the Christians came
And planted crosses deep
Colors blurred by sin
A disconnection of the soul
Or some facsimile thereof
Rooted in misplaced beliefs
These soldiers on screen
Halted before the massacre
Stopped between footsteps
That would lead to death
But they’re not real anyway
Their godly wars undone
By the magic of modernity
A fragile tension breaking
Shattering this make believe
Like stepping out on ice
And watching the cracks spread
Their faces show the strain
Of this sudden understanding
Bereft of all other emotion
Slates wiped immaculately clean
As the film begins to revive
They move out of the frame
And we’re left to wonder
If we’ve ruined the fantasy
If it’s just in our minds
Or if it even matters
In the end.

Settling

A small flute - grave of the unknown glacial geologistThe dust won’t settle
No matter what I do
This swirling storm
Of pinpoint needles
Jabbing at my soul
A haunting specter
Dancing on my open grave
Or close enough to it
To disturb this sleep
A music so haunting
It stirs those memories
That are best left buried
Like this thought of you
Creeping up behind
Stunning in its clarity
After all these years
And this angry love
This seismic understanding
A shift in rhetoric
It kills me all over again
Or awakens a side of me
That I cannot control
It’s not a question
Of time or place
It’s a question of you
But I don’t want to know
The answer never straightforward
The consequences dire
You stand above my tombstone
As if writing an epitaph
But I know it’s not that simple
And the settling takes time
The dust shifting
To cover me in sections
Until I can see you no more
If you were ever really there
But I imagine you dancing
One arm flung high overhead
And I make my peace
With these disjointed memories
Because nothing really matters
So long as you’re content

I’ll take the dust.